Hello … Was born as Michael and tried my best to escape that name for a long, long time … but finally realized I needed to turn around and accept who I am and who I’m supposed to be.

So, you can call me Mike.

Or … Hauk … or Pathfinder … or even Kaiwolf.

I’m one who sees what others often overlook or fail to see … fitting as I’m a photojournalist by profession and … well … destiny?

Just know that it’s me, and I’ve accepted that into my heart and soul.

As for Hauk — Kaiwolf, those are how you might find me online or even can call me by one or the other if you wanted to.

Hauk began as a Klingon name as I once wrote Star Trek fan-fiction with a character by that name, and that character evolved into an audio character I voiced in a Klingon radio show style podcast set in the Star Trek Online universe.

And the name kind of became glued to me from that point … although honestly, it was part of me since before I was even born.

You see, I later found out that Hauk is old Norse for “Hawk” … and hawks are tied to me spiritually in ways I’m still learning about.

Kaiwolf is similar in that it (to me) means “Coywolf” as just as a hawk (and an owl) fly with me, so a coyote-wolf hybrid runs with me as well.

Did you know that the eastern coyote is actually a coyote / wolf hybrid? …. Often called “coywolf.”

Now, coy as spoken in coywolf sounds different than the sound it represents in coyote.

SO …. Kai (for me) equals the sound from coyote. …. “Kai” wolf.

Now then … back to the original story as I went off on a tangent, didn’t I?

To say I’m a solitary “Norse Druid” might be a good description, with a little bit of American first people’s influences … shared by elders … woven in.

The threads holding my beliefs and ways of doing things together actually.

Looking back, I guess my story begins in the forests of eastern North Carolina.

Pre-teen / teenage years found me spending most free time wandering and losing myself in the woods behind the family home.

Carved a staff from a tree that had popped up in the middle of the forest … straight up and just the right height and thickness.

Called myself … a “Guardian of the Forest” and even had a spot I called my “grove.”

Was never as comfortable around classmates as I was the trees.

Why does the path of a druid come to mind as I consider that?

It wasn’t until I hit college that I took the real first steps onto an Earth-centered path.

This is when I was taught to pray with a prayer Pipe by a pair of elders who happened to be from the Bear Tribe Medicine Society.

Carolyn Means was one and one of my instructors from college — one who took me under my wing.

She hosted full moon Pipe ceremonies each month.

Ken Marsh was an artist in residence at the college and friend of Carolyns … her mentor.

I wish I could remember the native People he was from other than that he was of a native tribe.

It was he that chose to share with me wisdom associated with sacred Pipes and how to pray with a personal prayer Pipe.

At one point, I asked Ken about the words of the prayers to be spoken, and he answered with one of the most valuable lessons I’ve yet learned … Make the prayers my own as what works for one person may well not work for someone else.

What works for one person may not work for another, and as each person is different … so might the prayers for them be different.

Example. The doors to our homes have the same brand lock, but your key doesn’t work for the door of my home and vice versa.

What I didn’t realize back then (as I was so young) was that there were marked differences between the various tribes of the American first peoples.

For most of the years since, I’ve walked with a personal prayer Pipe.

And was blessed to meet others along my wandering path who respected what was shared with me originally and added to that knowledge with wisdom of their own.

They were of the Lakhota, Aniyvwiya (Cherokee), Monocan and Ojibwe … among others.

Although that original Pipe saw me through many hard times, it was not of my heritage.

That always worried me as ancestry is English, Irish, Scottish, Welsh and Norse.

So even with that first Pipe, I took my teacher’s original words to heart. … Make your prayers and path your own.

And I like to think I have, always seeking to find my own words … my own way.

Time passed.

About 20ish years ago, I had been invited to a Lakota bulletin board / forum that was hosted on Joseph M. Marshall III’s website’s server.

Learned a lot, but also met a gentleman who called himself a “Druid of Turtle Island.”

He helped open my eyes to the fact that at least at some point in each culture, there exists or had existed a nature-based spiritual path among the various peoples — not unlike American first peoples like the Lakhota.

He opened my eyes to pathways within my own heritage.

My use of the prayer Pipe grew less and less do to conflicting emotions.

Some days, I walked with a somewhat sure step and others … not so much with doubts clouding my vision.

That fear of cultural appropriate had an ugly head.

Now, fast-forward to more recent history.

The time came a couple years ago when I realized that whenever I walk past Norse runes … especially Rune sets …. I feel their presence to a point I know where they were without even being told or catching sight of them.

Began to realize that what I was practicing all along … the Spirits I called to and my respect for the natural world and life within … These are also found within Norse, Celtic and druid beliefs.

Flash back to those pre-teen / teen years wandering among the trees with a staff … communing with the natural world. … And the place I had called my “grove.”

Never realized I was already tapping into the druid and animist parts of my soul that whole time.

And these last few years? I resumed walking with staffs and have shaped a tiny grove behind and surrounding our home.

But still, I continued to use the personal prayer Pipe on occasion as when I did … it offered a deep connection with Spirit.

It was a conundrum … a catch 22.

Even though I had no dna connection to the American first people, the Pipe would still speak to me and had ALWAYS helped me through some of the darkest periods of my life.

Yet felt guilty smoking it … even despite the fact that the gift of how to walk and pray with the Pipe was given to me from an elder and others from the same Peoples.

Came to a point where it felt it was time to let go of that part of my journey, so I was content to release that prayer Pipe.

And when I did, it was done with guidance from elders I consulted with it passed to a person who was seeking to better understand their own American first people’s spiritual path, coming at it from the Norse side of things.

This only happened when it was clear this is what the Pipe wished … to be passed to someone else trying to find their way along a similar road to my own whom it could help as it did me.

This marked the first time I’d walked without a Pipe and to be honest … I was content in doing so.

Then came the dreams.

Began dreaming of a black pipestone Pipe — dreams that refused to let me turn away or ignore.

And believe me, I tried ignoring them.

They just kept coming back, becoming even more relentless.

Those dreams hammered me until I opened myself and had the spirit of the Pipe in those dreams touch me in what felt like Thor’s lightening striking down from the heavens.

And I HAVE experienced that before … Thor’s lightning striking down.

After a few weeks, finally relented, accepted and allowed the Pipe to come to me … which was a journey in itself.

So, now I carry a sacred Pipe of a four winds design, born out of black pipestone.

Carved and crafted by Travis Erickson, of the Sisseton-Wahpeton Dakota Nation, who is a “fourth generation self-taught artist who learned his basic techniques from his mother and male elders.”

Interesting note that came out later … He is a Dakota who also happens to have Norse ancestry.

This Pipe has been a lightning rod in itself as its spirit is incredibly strong.

It has forced open doors, woven & shaped events and brought persons, items, spirits and gods (yes, gods!) into my life as if I had no choice in the matter.

The things that happen when it is used in Prayer … wow.

Have come to believe it something of a bridge between cultures, the land and Spirits … but do not misunderstand that its Spirit seems to have a strong connection with the Norse path I’m following.

As fantastic an experience as that is, it deepened the guilt felt that use of the Pipes originates from American first peoples.

It’s one of the reasons I tried leaving all of it behind before.

Time arrived for me to face the fears that I might be taking advantage of another culture.

So, I asked Bud Johnston of The Keepers of the Sacred Tradition of Pipemakers about this and he said the following which finally resonated with me.

“We are ALL related,” he wrote, “showing respect by sharing with our ancestors as well as remembering their ways this is important i think no matter if your Dutch, Scotch, English or tribal.”

He also told me the Pipe (speaking of the Pipes in general) is supposed to help unite the human tribes across the world, with each tribe bringing their uniqueness together to help save Mother Earth.

Sat with his words a long time, allowing them to sink in.

When I pray with this pipe … Yes, I pay honor to the four directions, Earth and Sky … just as I was taught back around 1990.

But I was also pay honor to the spirits of this land, the spirits and ancestors of the first peoples of this land, my own ancestors and those from whom I’m descended, the gods, the spirits that guide me and the One Great Being … otherwise known as the Great Spirit, Great Mystery or Creator.

It’s how my own prayers had evolved as I walk my current path.

And it is not the only manner in how I pray, as I also reach into and learn from the ceremonies of my ancestors as well as others that are shared with me.

Understand if the Spirit of the Pipe does not want to be smoked or finds something not right … It will NOT allow itself to be smoked. … Learned this with both my personal prayer Pipe and this sacred Pipe as if I was not in the right place at the time, it would let its thoughts and wishes be known that the time was not right for its use or flat-out refuse to let the tobacco catch flame.

And its spirit has been known to take a direct hand in things, shaping events … making things happen … and protecting against other things.

This Pipe has already made connections with spirits of this land and those of other places.

Right now, I’m referring to this Pipe as “Nordlys,” which is Norse for the “Northern Lights.”

It’s a name that came to me as part of a vision I had while smoking it recently.

And a name is a sign of respect that identifies the Spirit within — recognizes its personality.

In the vision, a reindeer (which can be argued represents to the old norse what the Buffalo meant to the Lakota) walked along an ancient trackway, following a ridgeline across a snow-covered landscape.

It seems small in the scene yet very prominent.

The sea was visible beyond the ridgeline in sparkling glory that reflected the scene above.

Above glowed the Northern Lights brightly against a sky filled with bright shining stars like I’ve never seen before.

No matter what fears I may feel or whatever someone else might think, Nordlys has time and again made itself clear that this journey is as it should be.

This Pipe has been and is a rather powerful bridge, so it came as no surprise when later I learned that to the old norse people, the Northern Lights were seen as the bifrost — the bridge that connected Midgard to Asgard and the other realms along the World Tree, Yggdrasil.

When working with the Pipe, sometimes its relaxed with an almost every day feel while other times you see, hear, feel and experience things that leave you awl struck.

Unlike my personal prayer Pipe, this one is NOT a personal Pipe.

Sometimes, I’ve referred to it as a ceremonial Pipe, but I don’t think that fits either. Or maybe it does and I’m just not seeing clearly on that yet.

It *is* here for a purpose, however, that I’m not sure of it yet.

It’s taken me places like a 1,000-year-old shell ring built by the indigenous peoples of that region on Hilton Head Island, SC … and other places like Black Rock Summit in the National Forest.

In the Shell Ring, it felt like an introduction of Norse to the spirits of old in that place — like a bridge between past, present, cultures, and peoples.

On the mountain summit, it was a connection to the bones of the mountains and spirits of earth and wind itself. It forged a deep connection with the surrounding natural world and even the gods as Odin himself revealed his presence in dramatic fashion.

And then this pipe has been used to mark the passing of the cycles of Máni (the moon) and the seasons of Midgard (the realm where humans reside) & Jörd (Mother Earth) as the great wheel slowly turns.

I would not have my connections to my gods, spirits, ancestors, earth, sky and brothers & sisters in the natural world without my lessons from Carolyn, Ken and others that walked/walk a more American first peoples’ path.

Now fast forward to just these past few weeks and the post I made on Facebook, sending out to the universe my hopes of finding someone who already carries a sacred Pipe as I burn with questions.

A few people in particular opened conversations with me about the Pipe … two who have Pipes and others who have expressed interest and fascination in our journey.

These conversations set in motion certain realizations about me, this journey and the Pipe.

Am hoping conversations continue with the two who work with Pipes as they have insights I lack, and it would be nice to no longer feel quite so alone.

But these conversations … just by listening to my own words … showed me how much I do know … AND how much I really don’t but am close to understanding.

People are brought into our lives at various points to help us realize, learn and grow.

A person who also walks a dual spiritual path ( Aniyvwiya (Cherokee) and Norse/Celtic) made the following comment to me …. “Things like your Pipe? That’s special. And the spirit of that Pipe is such a higher metaphysical entity much like any other spirit that it can’t possibly care about your heritage. It cares about intent and purpose and the worth of the handler’s heart. Do you come with goodness and love in your soul for your fellow man and our Earth? Then that’s okay in my book.”

I’m dedicated to walking the path the One Great Being has placed before me.

The Pipe chose me … and even though I don’t feel worthy and would rather run … I will answer the call and seek instead to become worthy of bearing this responsibility.

And also will seek the balance point between the Norse and the teachings that came before.

And a more druidic-Norse path might be part of the answer as it harkens even deeper into the natural world?

Another realization is the Pipe is now used by many of the various American tribal nations … and although they pray similarly, their prayers and ceremonies differ in ways that reflect their own Peoples, cultural ways and language … as these are often different from tribe to tribe.

So in my case, when I work with the Pipe … It’s in the same spirit and vein as I was taught only the words, names and other such match the beliefs of the path I walk.

And to me, that is more respectful than trying to take the words and specific ceremonies of those of this land when those are not the words and ceremonies that call out to my heart..

Where this Pipe leads I will follow.

When I sit by the fire with Pipe and the moon … I always see the full moon ceremonies led by Carolyn Means …. and it feels right.

The full moon is something that crosses cultural boundaries.

Finally, I’m working to let go of those feelings that led to me passing judgement on myself & held me back and now work to simply allow myself to walk the path to discover exactly where it leads.

Back when I met Carolyn Means & Ken Marsh and learned of the Pipe, I approached it from the standpoint of “white” culture.

It looked cool so I convinced myself I was destined to walk with one.

And I DO believe I meant well, but I was spiritually blind and ignorant back in those days.

They likely knew this but chose to teach me anyway — seeing something I couldn’t even see myself.

Makes me remember one time when Sun Bear (founder of the Bear Tribe Medicine Society) came to the college I attended as a guest speaker, brought there by Ken.

After his talk, was introduced to him.

Sun Bear shook my hand, paused and looked deep into my being.

He looked to Carolyn and Ken, said that there he felt a great strength/power within me — one that I didn’t understand and would grow into.

Of course, I thought that meant something it did not … but only over the years have I learned what he truly meant.

It’s just like how I first saw the sacred Pipes one way, and now over the decades since have learned what the really are all about … and that I honestly should not have reached for that wisdom as blindly or as self-centered as I did back then.

But I did and that set me on the path I feel the spirit of these Pipes had a hand in shaping and now find myself dedicated to being the bearer of one.

Regardless of how I got here, it got me to this point in life and I’m content with that as the past cannot be changed … only the future shaped by the steps we take right now.

You know what they say? … “Be careful what you wish for …”

A few quick notes that guide me on my path …

• There are many paths to the same place, following the same spiritual river but from different sides and pathways through the forest.
• There are many tribes / peoples all over the world with each having their own language, beliefs, stories, ceremonies, names for things and more. These make them unique with each worthy of respect, And you can also find connections among them where one thing might exist as one thing in one trube, existing in another tribe but with a different name and story. Different ways of looking at the same thing.
• Odin, the All-Father, has taught me to be not afraid to wander, explore, experience and learn. To seek wisdom and understanding … that we meet new people, try new things, visit new places … broaden ourselves and be open to change and growth … to becoming more than we are.
• Freyja teaches me to embrace those things I’m passionate about, to reach for my dreams, to be unafraid to be myself and to stand up for what I believe.
• The Old Mother of the Paths / Eallun of the Ways helps me find my path as well as how to track it through the forest. The original pathfinder, she is guardian of the paths & trails … and Keeper of the Forest.
• Jörd (Mother Earth) needs are help as do our brothers & sisters of the natural world.
• Máni (the moon) helps me see that which is hidden as well as teaches me of the cycles of earth, life and magic.
• I tried to walk away but the Pipe chose me for reasons I’m still trying to figure out.
• You don’t have to have a sacred Pipe to develop a strong spiritual connection. So always be respectful of the cultures of others.
• Don’t be afraid to explore and learn, finding what speaks and calls to you.

—-

Added note — Still learning as I go with this path weaving this way and that … sometimes changing course on me between one step and the next.

But for the first time, I feel confidence in my path.

I can be found in the heart of Virginia in the U.S. where the Blue Ridge Mountains are visible from the tiny grove behind our home.